Poking Fun At Accountants

What’s the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to sell insurance.

What’s an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes instead of his own shoes when he’s talking to you.

What’s an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can’t.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

An accountant can’t sleep and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I have a difficult time falling asleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”