- Does my butt look fat in this?
- I’m tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?
- I can’t stop fantasizing about Hillary Clinton!
- Censored by Mister Rogers.
- I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.
- There’s nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.
- Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!
- You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commercials.
- I’m deeply offended by young women who go bra-less.
- Our team lost 45-3. But we tried our best, and after all, that’s the important thing.