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10 things you’ll never hear one man say to another man

  1. Does my butt look fat in this?
  2. I’m tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?
  3. I can’t stop fantasizing about Hillary Clinton!
  4. Censored by Mister Rogers.
  5. I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.
  6. There’s nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.
  7. Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!
  8. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commercials.
  9. I’m deeply offended by young women who go bra-less.
  10. Our team lost 45-3. But we tried our best, and after all, that’s the important thing.