The Way to a Woman’s Heart Is Through Her Cat

Rules to follow when dating a female who owns a cat.

So, you’re dating a gal who shares her residence with a cat. If your relationship is going to get anywhere, I encourage you to follow each of these suggestions:

Never, ever mention that you can (or can’t) smell the litter box.

If the kitten wants to spend an hour untying your shoelace, let him. When he gets it untied, retie it so he can continue playing.

Never make a big show of brushing the cat fur from your slacks.

Get in the habit of putting a couple of sardines in your pocket. Slip them to the cat when she isn’t watching (Note: you may have to do this through the entire dating period, because the cat will likely go for your pocket each time you visit).

Don’t push the cat off the sofa if he’s inserted himself between the two of you. If he’s still sitting between the two of you when you get amorous, reassure him (mental telepathy is fine) that you have no harmful intentions against his companion, and move him gently to your lap. Try to keep one hand stroking the cat at all times in this situation.

If you’re spending the night, do yourself a favor and don’t even TRY to sleep in the cat’s favorite spot on the bed.

When you phone her, ask about her cat.

When she leaves the room to fix cocktails or check on dinner, ask her if she’s got a cat toy handy so you can keep the cat entertained.

If you’re taking her out to dinner, ask her if it’s okay to bring home a “cat bag” of leftovers for the cat.