10 Funny Quickies

Cartoon of man being denied traditional therapy but receiving bubble wrap instead.

The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’

Harry’s wife says, “Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?” He says, “No, our house isn’t blue.”

When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Son: You said it was my lunch money.

“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.

– Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
– Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork Chop

Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other “Wow it’s hot in here”
The other one replies “Oh no… It’s a talking muffin”

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn!