What nine common words mean as defined by men and women. Funny word meanings according to gender.
Ever wonder why men and women don’t understand each other?
They cannot agree on definitions of words!
Here is a sample of the same word as defined by a female, and then a male.
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: any part under a car’s hood.
male: the strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
male: playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: the open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
male: scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n.
female: the body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
male: what you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, home run, or goal; also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: a desire to get married and raise a family.
male: not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: a good movie, concert, play or book.
male: anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: an embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: an endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: the greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: a device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: a device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
- Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
- Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
- Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
- Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly: Impotent.
- Negligent: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
- Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle: A humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist.
- Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
- Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.