Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Louis Farrakhan
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.

The Bible
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders
I missed one?

L.A. Police Department
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.

Richard M. Nixon
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don’t know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Dr. Seuss
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King, Jr.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone Told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx
It was an historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan
What chicken?

Captain James T. Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Machiavelli
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Freud
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the Road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates
I have just released Chicken Coop Version 10, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and the internet is an inextricable part of the operating system.

Einstein
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

The Snake And The Rabbit

what are you?

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of forest pathways one day, when they collided at a crossing.

They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the accident.

The snake claimed that he had been blind since birth, and should be given the benefit of the doubt.

The rabbit replied he had been blind since birth also.

The two animals then forgot about the collision and began discussing the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.

He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, so he did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.

The rabbit declared that he had the same problem.

Agreeing on a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake went along with the suggestion, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.

After a few moments, he announced, “You’ve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!”

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake.

After feeling about the snake’s body for a few minutes, he said:

“Well, you’re scaly, you’re slimy, you’ve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you’ve got a forked tongue.”

“You’re must be a politician!”

Congress Said

congress said

How Congress Operates

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap heap in the middle of a remote desert.

Congress said someone may steal a part of during the night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position, and hired a person to carry out the mission.

Then Congress asked, “How can the watchman do his job without proper instruction?”

So they created a planning division and hired two people, one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

They formed a quality control (QC) division and hired two people, one (GS-9) to do the studies and one (GS-11) to write the reports.

Then Congress said wisely, “How are all these people going to get paid?”

For this they needed to make a payroll division with a time keeper (GS-9) and a payroll officer (GS-11). Two people were hired to perform the tasks.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

They created an administrative division and hired three people: an Admin Officer (GM-13), Assistant Admin Officer (GS-13), and a Legal Secretary (GS-8).

One year later, when Congress reviewed the cost of maintaining the vast desert scrap heap, they declared, “We are $18,000 over budget. We must cut back excess costs.”

So they eliminated the night watchman.