This Watch Can Predict Events One Hour In The Future

Extreme come-on line in a bar to a hot woman.

A cocky pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a quite beautiful brunette.

He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The gorgeous gal notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”

The beautiful brunette says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

The pilot explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

She then replies, “Oh, really? What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”

“The hot lady giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I AM wearing panties!”

The pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast!”

Over 100 Bar Pick-up Lines

pick-up lines that fail

Pick-up lines that fail

  1. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money.
  2. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
  3. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
  4. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
  5. Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.
  6. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
  7. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I’ll do it your way.
  8. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
  9. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
  10. I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house.
  11. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.
  12. Let’s do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
  13. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
  14. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
  15. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
  16. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
  17. That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
  18. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
  19. Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!
  20. Was your father a thief? because someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
  21. Your daddy must have been a baker, because you’ve got a nice set of buns.
  22. Excuse me, but I DO think it’s time we met.
  23. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
  24. Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
  25. Do you sleep on your stomach?
    No.
    Can I?
  26. Be unique and different, say yes.
  27. You make me so nervous and flustered, I’ve completely forgotten my standard pick-up line.
  28. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
  29. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s.
  30. Excuse me I lost my teddy bear will you sleep with me tonight.
  31. If you were a burger I would pick you first.
  32. You: Can I borrow a quarter?
    She: why? ( if she says sure or something else get her to ask you why)
    You: so I can call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. ( have something quick to say afterwards)
  33. Are your pants from outer space? because your butt is out of this world.
  34. He: Excuse me, want to dance?
    She: No.
    He: Maybe you didn’t hear me. I said you look really fat in those pants!
  35. He : Hey Baby … Wanna dance?
    She: No.
    He : Oh, C’mon! Lower you’re standards a little. I did…
  36. He : Hey, Stop!
    She : What? He : You’re undressing me with your eyes… I know you’re doing it. STOP!
  37. Are you a parking ticket? ’cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
  38. I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
  39. What is a slutty girl like you doing in a classy place like this? OOPS! I mean, what is nice girl like you doing in a dump like this? (Phew)
  40. Hi, my name’s {name}. Remember it, you’ll be screaming it later tonight!
  41. My name is {name}, but you can call me anything at all. Just call me.
  42. I can’t wait until tomorrow.
    She replies why not.
    You say cause you look better everyday.
  43. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
  44. Baby, you’re so sweet, you’d put Hershey’s out of business.
  45. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
  46. If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
  47. Wow! Are those real?
  48. If I let you suck on my tongue would you be grateful?
  49. Are you tired? Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!
  50. I must be in heaven cause I’ve seen an angel.
  51. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
  52. Are you a surgeon? Cause you’ve just took my heart away!
  53. Have I seen you before? OH yeah it was in the dictionary under the word KABLAM!!
  54. There must be a keg in your pants, because I want to tap that ass.
  55. You’re like milk: I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
  56. My pickup line was published on the Internet. Would you like to hear it?
  57. Hey gorgeous, the power company is looking for you because you’re so electrifying.
  58. I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.
  59. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!
  60. Is your name Gillette? You’re tripe action.
  61. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
  62. As you walk by, turn around and say: “Excuse me, did you just touch my ass?” No. Damn!
  63. I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
  64. You with those curves, and me with no brakes.
  65. Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
  66. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
  67. Bond. James Bond
  68. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
    No.
    Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
  69. I’m not wearing any pants.
  70. True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to catch and mount back at my place.
  71. Nice Shoes. Wanna go to bed?
  72. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
  73. Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don’t you?
  74. Screw me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Pocahontas?
  75. I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
  76. I love the way you move: like butter on a bald monkey.
  77. You remind me of my Grandma except I haven’t slept with you yet.
  78. You stole my heart. But that’s okay; I have another one at home in the fridge.
  79. Do you just wanna get naked?
  80. Do you work for UPS? ‘Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!
  81. Why do I have a pierced tongue? You’ll soon find out.
  82. Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?
  83. How do you like your eggs cooked?
    Why?
    Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
  84. If I pet you, would you follow me home?
  85. Cold out isn’t it? (staring at breasts)
  86. Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
    Why?
    ‘Cause I could see myself in your pants.
  87. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job?
    No!
    Well in that case, D’ya wanna do lunch?
  88. Come on baby, sex is like pizza: Even if it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.
  89. Do you wanna have kids with me??? No? Then do you just wanna practice?
  90. I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!
  91. Aw, girl, I’m gonna have to put you on my “To Do” List!
  92. Save a horse — ride a cowboy.
  93. Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
  94. You know, it’s not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married.
  95. I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
  96. The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.
  97. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
  98. Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
  99. Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
  100. Hey babe, how about a pizza and some sex?
    [Slap]
    HEY! What’s wrong, you don’t like pizza?
  101. I’m going to have sex with you tonight no matter what so you might as well be there.
  102. How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up?
  103. Can I flirt with you?
  104. I admit, I’m kind of a geek by day. But a sex machine by night!
  105. You have been very naughty! Go to my room!
  106. Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word “edible.”
  107. Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
  108. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!
  109. Sex is a killer…want to die happy?
  110. Hi! Can I buy you a car?
  111. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
  112. If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
  113. Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) because it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I’d rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
  114. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
  115. You’re ugly but you intrigue me.
  116. Hey baby, infect me!
  117. Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
  118. No, I’m not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
  119. If you ever want to see your children again, you’ll do what I want.
  120. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

Warning for guys

How young women take advantage of older men.

warning for guys

Parking-lot Warning For Guys

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.

This is a warning for guys who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Costco customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.

Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your merchandise into the trunk.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, wearing skimpy t-shirts.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get into the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing.

Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen August 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.

Also September 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 20th, 21st, 23rd, 24th, and 29th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out.

By the way¬†you never will get to eat at McDonalds and I have already lost 11 pounds just going back and forth to Lowe’s, Home Depot, and Costco.