Funny Quotes on Love

Quotes about love, romance, money, sex. men and women by Woody Allen, Oscar Wilde, and others.

funny quotes on love

39 Funny Quotes on Love

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”
Oscar Wilde

“Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful, if you get between the right man and the right woman.”
Woody Allen

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.”
Benjamin Franklin

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
Eric Segal

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.”
Brendan Francis

“Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.”
Henry Fielding

“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.”
Melanie Clark

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.”
Brendan Francis

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.”
Henny Youngman

“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.”
Lord Thomas Robert Dewar

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
Joan Crawford

“Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.”
Oscar Wilde

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation: the other eight are unimportant.”
Henry Miller

“A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said ‘no.'”
Woody Allen

“A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor

“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
Oscar Wilde

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.”
H. L. Mencken

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
Robert Frost

“Love is a state of mind, which has nothing to do with the mind.”
Bob Phillips

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.”
Woody Allen

“In love, the best way to erase one’s face from the tablet of memory is to draw another across it.”
Helen Rowland

“There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: young, old, and middle-aged.”
Unknown

“Woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat.”
Oscar Wilde

“If men knew all that women think, they’d be twenty times more daring.”
Alphonse Karr

“To find out a woman’s faults, praise her friends.”
Benjamin Franklin

“A sweetheart is a bottle of wine; a wife is a wine bottle.”
P.C. Baudeareil

“Adultery is democracy applied to love.”
H. L. Menken

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!”
Irish joke

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.”
Steve Jobs

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.”
Oscar Wilde

“The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.”
John Barrymore

“Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely.”
Basta

“Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.”
Albert Einstein

“After thirty-five a man begins to have thoughts about women; before that he has feelings.”
Austin O’Malley

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess.”
H. L. Mencken

“A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.”
Oscar Wilde

“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”
Woody Allen

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
Orson Welles

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Oscar Wilde