Ten Phrases in Law That Seem Dirty

law books phrases

These phrases can have double meanings.

  1. Have you looked through her briefs?
  2. He is one hard judge.
  3. Counselor, let’s do it in chambers.
  4. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
  5. Is it a penal offense?
  6. Better leave the handcuffs on.
  7. For $200 an hour, she better be good.
  8. Can you get him to drop his suit?
  9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
  10. Think you can get me off?

How Are You Feeling?

farmer in courtFarmer Bob decided the injuries he sustained in a recent traffic collision were serious enough to sue the trucking company whose driver had been responsible for the accident.

During the trial, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer grilled the farmer in court.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident that you were fine?” asked the lawyer.

“Well I’ll tell you what happened,” the farmer answered.

“I had just loaded my favorite mule Sally into the …”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted tersely.

“Just answer the question. Did you or did you not say that you were fine?”

“Well, I had just got Sally into the trailer and I was driving down the road …”

By this time, the lawyer was red-faced.

“Judge,” the lawyer said, “I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told he highway patrolman that he was just fine.

Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client.

I believe he is a fraud, so please instruct this witness to simply answer the question.”

“No,” the judge said. “I’m fairly interested in what he has to say about about his favorite mule Sally.”

“Thank you, judge,” so the farmer in court proceeded with his version of the story.

“Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Sally into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.”

“I was thrown into one ditch and Sally was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move.

But I could hear old Sally moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans,” the farmer continued.

“Shortly after the accident, the patrolman got there. He could hear Sally moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

“After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

“Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”

“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'”

Beware Of IRS Genie

IRS briefcase

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst.

He’s crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and dull gray suit.

There’s a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

“Well, kid,” says the genie.

“You know how it works. You have three wishes.”

“I’m not falling for this.” Says the man.

“I’m not going to trust an IRS agent.”

“What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and It looks like you’re a goner anyway!”

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink.”

POOF! The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

“OK, kid, what’s your second wish.”

“My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.”

POOF! The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

“OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!”

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: “I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me.”

POOF! He is turned into a tampon. The moral of the story?

If the IRS offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.