One-way Tickets To Alcatraz

How one frustrated dad feels about his unruly children.

Alcatraz Island
Famous Alcatraz Island

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to buy tickets for a visit to Alcatraz.

Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another.

The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window.

“Five tickets, please,” the father said.

“Two round trip, three one way.”

24 Funny Proverbs By Children

A child’s version of common proverbs.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Don’t change horses until they stop running.

Strike while the bug is close.

It’s always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.

Never underestimate the power of termites.

You can lead a horse to water but how?

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

No news is impossible.

A miss is as good as a Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll stink in the morning.

Love all, trust me.

The pen is mightier than the pigs.

An idle mind is the best way to relax.

Where there’s smoke there’s pollution.

Happy is the bride who gets all the presents.

A penny saved is not much.

Two’s company, three’s the Musketeers.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box.

When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.

Example of an optimist and pessimist

Learn the secret of being happy, even in a pile dung.

Let’s find the pony

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the television was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, one Christmas the twin’s father filled the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

“Why are you crying?” the father asked.

“Because my friends will be jealous. I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff. I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken,” answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, “With all this manure, there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”