Teacher gets a surprise gift from a student

surprise present in box

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist’s son handed her a gift.

She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is? Flowers.”

“That’s right” the boy said, “but how did you know?”

“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is? A box of sweets.”

“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.

“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner.

The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.

She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”

With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

Little Johnny At Church

church service

One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son, Johnny, to church.

They sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church.

But as we know eight year old boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny.

Halfway through the pastor’s sermon Johnny fell asleep.

The pastor noticed this, and it was distracting him from preaching.

He decided to go over to Johnny and ask him a question about God.

“Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?”

His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a pin in her son’s right butt cheek.

“GOD!!!!” Cried little Johnny.

“Very good,” the pastor replied, because he couldn’t say it was wrong.

He continued on with his sermon.

But a short while later, Johnny fell asleep again.

The pastor once again noticed this and decided to ask another question.

“Who was Mary and Joseph’s son?” the pastor asked.

Johnny’s dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a pin in his son’s left butt cheek.

“JESUS CHRIST!!!!” Yelled Johnny.

Once again the pastor replied, “Very good.”

Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep again.

For the last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard question.

“What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?”

But before Johnny’s parents could do anything Johnny shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO TAKE IT AND BREAK IT IN HALF!”

Three piggies go out for drinks and dinner

Three Piggies went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

“I would like a Sprite,” said the first piggy.

“I would like a Coke,” said the second piggy.

“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took the three piggies’ orders for dinner.

“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.

“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.

“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter returned to the table and asked if the three piggies would like any dessert.

“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.

“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.

“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.

“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the last piggy,”but why have you only ordered beer all evening?”

The third piggy says, “Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee,’ all the way home!”