How a Rabbi exposes two evil brothers at a funeral

evil brothers mensch funeralThere once were two evil brothers, who were very rich but used their money to keep their evil ways out of the public eye.

They attended the same temple, and to everyone else, they appeared as examples of perfect Jews.

One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired.

Not only could the new rabbi see right through the brothers’ deceptions, but he also spoke well and true about it.

Due to the rabbi’s honesty and integrity, the temple’s membership grew in numbers.

Eventually, a fundraising campaign was started to build a much bigger temple

When one of the brothers died, theĀ remaining brother sought out the new rabbi one day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to complete the new building.

He held the check out for the rabbi to examine.

“I have only one condition,” he said. “At the funeral, you must say my brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words.”

After some thought, the rabbi gave his solemn word and took the check, which he cashed immediately.

The next day at the funeral, however, the rabbi did not hold back.

“He was an evil man,” he said about the dead brother.

“He cheated on his wife and abused his family. Never once did he commit an unselfish act.”

He went on and on about the true nature of the deceased evil brother.

After nearly a half hour of the pure and evil truth, the rabbi paused and shrugged his shoulders.

Finally, he said, “But compared to his brother, he was a mensch.”

Henny Youngman

henny youngman

ListĀ  of classic one-line jokes
by Henny Youngman

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

My horse’s jockey was hitting the horse.
The horse turns around and says “Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!”

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman “
Can I park here?”
“No” says the cop.
“What about all these other cars?”
“They didn’t ask!”

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.

Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

I asked a Jewish man “Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?”
He said “Yes”, and walked away.

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?”
The man says, “I make a good living.”

The hotel I’m in has a lovely closet. A nail.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60.
The drunk says “Huh. I lost 100 pounds!”

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.”
She said, ” We can’t do that!”
I told her, “You did it last week!”

I was just in London – there is a 6 hour time difference.
I’m still confused.
When I go to dinner, I feel sexy.
When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

The Doctor says “You’ll live to be 60!”
“I AM 60!”
“See, what did I tell you?”

“Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.”
“Don’t answer!”

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

My brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army.
The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

One-Line Jewish Jokes

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Classic One-Line Jewish Jokes

5759 Year according to Jewish calendar
4696 Year according to Chinese calendar
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q – What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?
A – “Is ANYTHING all right?”

Q – Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A – Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
“Force yourself,” she replied.

Jewish telegram:
“Begin worrying. Details to follow.”

For more Jewish jokes, check out the collection at Amazon bookstore