Funny Email Autoresponders

  1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
  2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
  3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless mails you send me until I return from holiday on April 4th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
  4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
  5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(Amazing how many people really do this)
  6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
  7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.
  8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Margaret’ instead of ‘Steve.’

Internet One-Line Jokes

  1. Home is where you hang your @.
  2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
  3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
  4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
  5. Great groups from little icons grow.
  6. Speak softly and carry a cell phone.
  7. C: is the root of all directories.
  8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.
  9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
  10. The modem is the message.
  11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
  12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
  13. A chat has nine lives.
  14. Don’t byte off more than you can view.
  15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
  16. What boots up must come down.
  17. Windows will never cease.
  18. Virtual reality is its own reward.
  19. Modulation in all things.
  20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
  21. There’s no place like home.com.
  22. Know what to expect before you connect.
  23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
  24. Speed thrills.
  25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.