Strange Christmas Scene

Why are the three wise men wearing fireman helmets? The answer is in the Bible.

nativity scene

A woman passing through a small Southern town saw a nativity scene showing great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered her though.

The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, the woman left the Christmas scene.

At a quilt shop on the edge of town, she asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

The store clerk exploded into a rage, yelling “You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!”

The visitor assured her that she did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

The store clerk grabbed her Bible from behind the counter, ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in the woman’s face the clerk said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.'”

50 Practical Jokes In An Elevator

elevator jokes

  1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
  3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
  4. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
  5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
  6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
  7. Shave.
  8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
  9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
  10. Wear yours upside-down.
  11. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  12. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  13. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
  14. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  15. One word: Flatulence!
  16. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
  17. Do Tai Chi exercises.
  18. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
  19. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
  20. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
  21. Meow occassionally.
  22. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
  23. Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”
  24. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
  25. Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
  26. Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
  27. Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
  28. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
  29. Burp, and then say “mmmm…tasty!”
  30. Leave a box between the doors.
  31. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
  32. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.
  33. Start a sing-along.
  34. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your cell?”
  35. Play the harmonica.
  36. Shadow box.
  37. Say “Ding!” at each floor.
  38. Lean against the button panel.
  39. Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
  40. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
  41. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
  42. Bring a chair along.
  43. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
  44. Blow spit bubbles.
  45. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
  46. Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
  47. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
  48. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  49. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
  50. Stare at your thumb and say “I think it’s getting larger.”

How to keep a healthy level of insanity

20 WaYs To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE

  1. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing their, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, “You’ve got to be faster than that.”
  2. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  3. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
  4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
  5. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  6. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice)
  7. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same Outfits.
  8. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is Especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
  9. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing.
  10. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
  11. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  12. Insist that your e-mail address be xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com
  13. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  14. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
  15. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
  16. Don’t use any punctuation.
  17. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  18. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
  19. Sing along at the opera.
  20. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.