Engineer Personality Quiz

Does a person have the personality traits of an engineer?
The following questions would help determine that.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A : When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that’s what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

Encrypted Employee Evaluation

employee evaluation

Be sure to read this employee evaluation through to the bottom.

  1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
  2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
  3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
  4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
  5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
  6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
  7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
  8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
  9. knowledge of his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
  10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
  11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
  12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
  13. executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I was writing his employee evaluation.

Kindly read the report again and pay attention only to the odd-numbered lines.

Employee’s Prayer

Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today, because they pissed me off.

And also, please
Help me to be careful

Of the toes I step on today,
As they may be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.