Does a person have the personality traits of an engineer?
The following questions would help determine that.
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A : When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that’s what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Be sure to read this employee evaluation through to the bottom.
- Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
- hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
- wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
- thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
- finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
- measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
- breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
- vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
- knowledge of his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
- classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
- dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
- promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
- executed as soon as possible.
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I was writing his employee evaluation.
Kindly read the report again and pay attention only to the odd-numbered lines.
Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today, because they pissed me off.
And also, please
Help me to be careful
Of the toes I step on today,
As they may be connected to the ass
That I might have to kiss tomorrow.