Speeding Blonde

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car.

The police officer also happened to be a blonde and he asked for the blonde’s driver’s license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policeman, “What does a driver’s license look like?”

Irritated, the blonde cop said, “You dummy, it’s got your picture on it!”

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.

She held it up to her face and said to herself, “Aha! This must be my driver’s license” and handed it to the blonde policeman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver.

He told her, “You’re free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.”

Clueless Woman Driver

My rant on a clueless woman driver:

Driving to the office this morning on the highway, I looked over to my left and there was this idiotic woman in a brand new Mercedes speeding at 65 miles per hour with her face up next to the rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on her forsaken makeup.

It scared me (I’m a man) so bad that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the doughnut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out my car using my knees against the steering wheel, my cell phone got knocked away from my ear.

It fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone and disconnected an important call.

All because of that clueless woman driver not paying attention to her driving!

Female Driver Is Pulled Over

Speeding Female Driver

female driver open mouthA female driver was pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

He told her to get out of the car, and noticed she appeared to be putting something in her mouth as she stepped out of her vehicle.

Figuring that the driver was putting away some type of illegal substance, the patrolman asked her, “Did I just see you swallow something just now?”

She replied, “Yep, that was my birth control pill.”

“A birth control pill?” asked the trooper.

The female driver explained to him, “Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was going to get screwed.”

In a way she was totally right.