What happens when film producer loses his arm?

film producer rolexA film producer parks his brand new Porsche Carerra Cabriolet, and just as he swings the door open to get out, a truck speeds by and completely tears it off.

The producer, ready to kill, grabs his cell phone, dials his assistant and tells her to dial 911 immediately.

Soon a cop pulls up, but before he can begin to speak, the producer starts screaming hysterically – his car, a work of art, which he just picked up, was completely ruined, would never be the same, reduced to junk, he can’t drive around in a piece of junk, does the cop have any idea who he is – and then the producer proceeds to list his credits, exaggerating the grosses a little.

The cop calmly listens until the producer runs out of steam, then shaking his head says, “I can’t believe how materialistic you movie people are. You’re all so focused on your precious possessions that you notice nothing else.”

“How can you say such a thing?” fires back the insulted producer.

The cop replies, “Did you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down?”

“Damn!!!!!” screams the producer. “My Rolex!”

What people do if they love Jesus

traffic jam

The wife of a Southern Baptist preacher talks to her Sunday school class about a wonderful religious experience that she had last week:

The other day I went up to the local Christian book store where I saw a “Honk If You Love Jesus” bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance at church, so I bought the bumper sticker and put it on the back of my car.

I am glad that I did. What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at the traffic light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and did not notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing that someone else loves Jesus or I may have never noticed that the light had changed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus.

Why, the guy behind me started to honk his horn like crazy and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

“For the love of God, go!!…..Go! Jesus Christ, Go!”

Everyone was honking.

I leaned out of my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people and I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck in the air.

When I asked my teenage son in the back seat what this meant, he said that it was nothing, probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met a person from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My son burst into laughter, why even he was enjoying the love of this religious experience.

A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but that is when I noticed that the light had changed so I waved one more time to my loving brothers and sisters and drove through the intersection.

I was the only car that got across the intersection before the light changed again.

I felt kind of bad that I had to leave them and all that love that we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Toyota Cowrolla

With the current gasoline prices so high, Toyota may soon unveil its newest model named the Cowrolla to capture this emerging market.

According to reliable sources, the Cowrolla does not run on gasoline or diesel.

It is a technological breakthrough in engine design using only biodegradable materials with low maintenance costs.

To avoid any last minute rush, place your order for the Toyota Cowrolla early; preferably six months in advance.

Toyota Cowrolla