23 resolutions humans wish dogs would follow

Do have your dog trained to obey these 23 resolutions for dogs?

If not, print this list and get started on having a well-behaved pet.

  1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
  2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
  4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  6. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it.
  7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  8. I will not throw up in the car.
  9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  10. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.
  11. “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.
  12. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
  13. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
  14. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose in her bottom.
  15. I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
  16. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorraging.
  17. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
  18. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV
  19. I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
  20. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.
  21. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  22. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration

Got the 23 resolutions?
Now it’s your turn to relax and have fun.