Talking Dog For Sale

Talking dog tells incredible story of his life as an undercover agent.

talking dog

A guy is driving around the hack woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale!”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.

I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired!”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the owner says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that crap!”

How To Train Dog Owners

Funny step-by-step guide on how dogs train owners.

dog owner

The dog is not allowed in the house.

Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

The dog can get on the old furniture only.

Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.

The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.

The dog can sleep under the covers every night.

Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Dog Owners Seven Days of Creation

Book of Genesis as written by a dog owner.

Dog on throne

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.