44 Things not to say on a first date

first date table

  1. “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”
  2. “Show me how you used to spank her.”
  3. “Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?”
  4. “I just got my license today.”
  5. “I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature.”
  6. “Five bucks says she’s a D-cup.”
  7. “Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?”
  8. “Hi. I’m Robert, but my friends call me ‘Back Door Bob.”
  9. “So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?”
  10. “Ok, you gotta be quiet or my roommate will hear. He doesn’t know I’m cheating on him!”
  11. “Thanks for having sex with me. I’ve really been down since I found out my girlfriend gave me Hepatitis.”
  12. “I would never hit a girl, I hear it ruins the fun to do that before you’re married”
  13. “I guess I can be kind of a jerk sometimes.”
  14. “You’re not the type of person I usually go for.”
  15. “Do you want to go to a strip club?”
  16. “So, are you smart?”
  17. “Do you mind if my friend stops by?”
  18. “I’m thinking of moving. I just can’t sit still.”
  19. “So, you just don’t have any hobbies?”
  20. “How’s [the online dating website you met on] going for you?”
  21. “So was I an accidental right swipe?”
  22. “So, are you bi? ‘Cause those glasses are giving you away.”
  23. “You’re kind of eating a lot.”
  24. “So, how long have you been single for?”
  25. “Look, I’m all for gender equality, as long as women know their place.”
  26. “It sounds like you don’t really have fun.”
  27. “My ex always used to say…”
  28. “So, do you go on a lot of dates?”
  29. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”
  30. “I met my last girlfriend while I was hanging out in the undergraduate library trying to meet girls.”
  31. “I’m not looking for anything serious.”
  32. “Is your friend from your profile picture single?”
  33. “I don’t really know how to watch my tone.”
  34. “This wasn’t a good idea. I think I’m just going to go.”
  35. “Can I look through your diary?”
  36. “We should definitely travel together.”
  37. “Sorry I’m late, I just came from this cool art thing. You probably haven’t heard of it.”
  38. “I just had a burrito.”
  39. “I don’t like burritos.”
  40. “You’re not one of THOSE feminists are you?”
  41. “Not to sound sexiest or anything but…”
  42. “Have you ever thought of losing a few pounds?”
  43. “I’m about to go on a trip for the next six months.”
  44. “So, how do you think that went?”

Win with women test: How do you score?

In the world of romance, one single rule applies
Make the woman happy

Do something she likes and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don’t get any points for doing something she expects
… Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty 0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings +5
But return with beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something. +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
It’s her father -10

Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Lisa -4
Lisa is a dancer -6
Lisa is an old girlfriend -8

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night -3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. -10

A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal -5
And the pal is happily married -4
Or frighteningly single -7
And he drives a Mustang -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It’s called “Death Cop 3” -3
Which features cyborgs having sex -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -5

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say “I don’t care, because you have one also.” -800

The Big Question:
She asks, “Do I look fat?” -5
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, Where? -35

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep -20

Surprise Blind Date

Who is the uglier person in a blind date?

hot dateVincent sets up Jessie to go on a blind date with a friend of his.

But Jessie is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before.

“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Jessie, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”

“Don’t worry.” Vincent says, “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaauuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.”

So that night, Jessie knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.

He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts… “Aaaaaauuuggghhh!”