The real way people in Manhattan decide whether to go out or not.
Rules In Case of Fire Emergency
Thirty signs that tell you have a drinking problem.
You have a drinking problem when…
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
- You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case -coincidence?? – I think not!
- Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!
- You’ve fallen and you can’t get up.
- BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
- When you can focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
- Every woman you see has an exact twin.
- You fall off the floor…
- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
- The glass keeps missing your mouth!
- Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
- Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
- At AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my nameis… uh…”
- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
- The shrubbery’s drunk too, from frequent watering.
- The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…
- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine,Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
- Every night you’re beginning to find your roomate’s cat more and more attractive.
- Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.
- Janet Reno looks good.
- Don’t recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
- That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
- You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
- I’m as jober as a sudge.
- You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.