16 notices that will make you laugh

disco nights notice

You need to see these 16 notices to believe them.
  1. In a Laundromat:
    Automatic washing machines:
    Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
  2. Notice in a field:
    The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
  3. Notice in a dry cleaner’s window:
    Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of
  4. Sign on motorway garage:
    Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps
    Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is
  5. In an office:
    Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
  6. Spotted in a toilet of a New York office building:
    Toilet out of order. please use floor below
  7. Outside a secondhand shop:
    We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines, etc. why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain
  8. Notice in health food shop window:
    Closed due to illness
  9. Spotted in a National Park:
    Bears please stay in your car
  10. On a church door:
    This is the gate of heaven. enter ye all by this door.
    This door is kept locked because of the draft.
    (please use side door.)
  11. Outside a photographer’s studio:
    Out to lunch:
    If not back by five,
    Out for dinner also
  12. Outside a disco:
    Disco Nights is the most exclusive disco in town, everyone is welcome
  13. Sign warning of quicksand:
    Quicksand. any person passing this point will be drowned.
    By order of the district council.
  14. Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
    Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
  15. In a London department store
    Bargain basement upstairs
  16. Sign on two doors in a Kaiser building in Sacramento, California:
    Rash Door

Did You Know

essential factsPsychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re OK, you’re it.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Larry’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It’s easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you’d be paranoid, too.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can’t find them.

A .44 Magnum beats four aces.

Funny Odd Signs

California road sign

In the window of an Atlanta clothing store
Sid’s Pants is Open

On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service
Able to Do the Worst Possible Job

In a New York jewelry store
Genuine Fauz Pearls

In a Kansas City oculist’s office
Broken Lenses Duplicated Here

In a Boston fast-food parking lot
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only

Billboard on Florida highway
If You Can’t Read, We Can Help

On the Triborough Bridge in New York
In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge

On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart
We’re out of Rolaids, but we’ve got gas.

At the basketball court in a Gaston, North Carolina, YMCA
Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended

On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant
The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur

In a Grand Rapids restaurant
Half baked chicken

In a Dayton barbershop
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books