Blonde Doubles Her Pleasure

Blond finds out she is pregnant with twins.

The other day my neighbor, who is a blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said, “There’s more.”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”

Blonde paints the wrong porch

yellow porsche

Doris, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money.

She decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Doris, “Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?”

“Sure that sounds great!” said Doris.

“Well, how much do you want me to pay you?” asked the man.

“Is fifty bucks all right?” Doris asked.

“Yeah, great. You’ll find the paint and ladders you’ll need in the garage.”

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

“Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?” asked the wife.

“Well, she must, she was standing right on it!” her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Doris knocked on the door.

“I’m all finished,” she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed. “You painted the whole porch?”

“Yeah,” Doris replied, “I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!”

The man reached into his wallet to pay her.

“Oh, and by the way,” she said, “That’s not a Porche, it’s a Ferrari.”

Revenge for blonde on a flight

blonde on flight

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa.”

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50!”

Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

“What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it’s the blonde’s turn.

She asks the lawyer: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.

He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.

He taps into his phone and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows.

All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?”

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

photo credit: pixabay.com