A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp.
“Wow,” says the bartender, “Something bad must have happened.”
Yeah it did, he said. “I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my best friend.”
The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. “This one’s on the house”.
The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks “Did you say anything to your wife?”
The guy answers, “Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bag’s and get out!”
“What about your friend?” asks the bartender.
“I looked him straight in the eye and said BAD DOG!”
Two Irish drunks find they have a lot in common.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds, “You don’t say. I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks.
Curious, the first man then asks, “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin!”
They both continue drinking.
Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”
“St. Mary’s,” replied the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable,” the first man says. “I went to St. Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”