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Redneck Medical Terms

Condensed Medical Dictionary By Rednecks

Artery: The study of paintings

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria

Barium: What doctors do when patients die

Benign: What you be after you be eight

Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome

Catscan: Searching for Kitty

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her

Colic: A sheep dog

Coma: A punctuation mark

D&C: Where Washington is

Dilate: To live long

Enema: Not a friend

Fester: Quicker than someone else

Fibula: A small lie

Genital: Non-Jewish person

G.I.Series: World Series of military baseball

Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.

Impotent: Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff: A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid: A higher offer than I bid

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: I knew it

Outpatient: A person who has fainted

Pap Smear: A fatherhood test

Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative: A letter carrier

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Damn near killed him.

Secretion: Hiding something

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor: More than one.

Urine: Opposite of you’re out

Varicose: Near by/close by

Vulva: Swedish automobile