Real Estate Ads

What they say and what they really mean

• Sophisticated city living: Next to noisy bar
• Old World Charm: Has some woodwork. Needs cleaning
• Contemporary Feeling: Has no woodwork. Needs cleaning
• Close to lakes: Impossible to park on the street from April to October
• Picturesque setting: Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds in neighboring lots
• Wide-open floor plan: Previous owner removed supporting walls
• Updated kitchen: Sink no longer overflows
• Security system: Neighbor has dog
• Needs TLC: Major structural damage
• Motivated seller: Has been on the market for 10 years
• Convenient: Located on freeway entrance ramp
• Mint: Someone spilled mouthwash on carpet
• Neutral decor: No mural of nudes or Elvis
• Move-in condition: Front door missing
• Cozy: No room larger that 9 by 6
• Lower-level family room: Ping-pong table over sewer opening
• Light, open spaces: Many holes in walls
• Outstanding: Sticks out like a sore thumb