How to Annoy Everyone At Work

• Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
• Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
• Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
• Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
• Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
• Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
• Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
• Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
• Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
• No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
• Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
• Grow mold in your coffee cup.
• Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
• When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
• Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
• Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
• Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.
• Highlight your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
• Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
• Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
• Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
• Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
• For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.