The Politically Correct Way To Speak To A Woman

How to speak to a woman and remain "Politically Correct"

She is not a BABE or a CHICK
She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE
She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT

She is not a BAD COOK
She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not HALF NAKED
She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY
She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED

She is not CONCEITED
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES

She does not GAIN WEIGHT
She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER
She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY
She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not TEASE or FLIRT
She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION

She is not DUMB
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She is not TOO SKINNY
She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE
She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS
She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT

She has not BEEN AROUND
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE

She does not GET YOU EXCITED
She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT

She is not KINKY
She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION

She does not have a KILLER BODY
She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

She does not GO SHOPPING
She is MALL FLUENT

She is not an AIRHEAD
She is REALITY IMPAIRED

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY
She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY
She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY

She is not COLD or FRIGID
She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE

She is not HORNY
She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS
She is GRAVITY RESISTANT

She does not NAG YOU
She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a SLUT
She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She is not LOOSE
She is MORALLY IMPAIRED

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR

She does not have THIN LIPS
She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT