Barbies For The Real World

Now some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her aging gracefully.

• Bifocals Barbie
  Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors(half-frames too)! Neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
• Hot Flash Barbie
  Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With handheld fan and tiny tissues.
• Facial Hair Barbie
  As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
• Flabby Arms Barbie
  Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muumuus with tummy support panels are included!
• Bunion Barbie
  Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
• No More Wrinkles Barbie
  Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
• Soccer Mom Barbie
  All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. With mini van in robins egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
• Mid-life Crisis Barbie
  It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B.; Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
• Divorced Barbie
  Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
• Single Mother Barbie
  There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken, Jr., in a fourth-floor walkup. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
• Recovery Barbie
  Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does twelve steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
• Post Menopausal Barbie
  Poor Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, she comes with the book, "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self".