Material Safety Data Sheet

WOMAN

A Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo2
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 125 lbs. Known to vary from 100 to 500 lbs.
Occurence: Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical Properties:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields to pressure if applied to correct points

Chemical Properties:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without warning, for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Uses:
1. Highly ornamental especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Usually illegal and/or dangerous to possess more than one specimen