Complete List of “Men Are Like” Definitions
The older they get, the less firm they become.
- Bank accounts
Once they withdraw, they lose interest.
- Bike Helmets
Handy in emergencies, otherwise they look ridiculous.
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
- Chocolate bars
Sweet, smooth, and usually head right for your hips.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
You can’t believe a word they say.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
- Curling irons
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
- Department Stores
Their clothes should always be half off.
- High heels
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of them.
They always tell you what to do, and they’re usually wrong.
- Lava lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
- Lawn Mowers
If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
They irritate the crap out of you.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
- Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long they will last.
- Treasury bonds
They take forever to mature.
They never seem to last long enough.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.