- Alarm clocks
They can be loud and interrupt your peace. - Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they become. - Bank accounts
Once they withdraw, they lose interest. - Bike Helmets
Handy in emergencies, otherwise they look ridiculous. - Blenders
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why. - Candles
They can burn out quickly if you don’t watch them closely. - Cars
They require constant maintenance and seem to break down at the worst possible times. - Cement
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard. - Chocolate bars
Sweet, smooth, and usually head right for your hips. - Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long. - Commercials
You can’t believe a word they say. - Computers
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory. - Clouds
When they go away, it’s a beautiful day. - Coolers
Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere. - Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it. - Curling irons
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair. - Department Stores
Their clothes should always be half off. - Elevator Buttons
Push too hard and they stop working. - Fireworks
They’re impressive for a while, but then they fizzle out. - Gardens
They don’t bloom without attention. - High heels
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of them. - Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do, and they’re usually wrong. - Ice Cream
They can be a cold and drippy, but you can’t resist them. - Keys
You have try a few before you find one that fits. - Lava lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright. - Lawn Mowers
If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it. - Laxatives
They irritate the crap out of you. - Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion. - Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small. - Pizzas
Even the bad ones can be good sometimes. - Placemats
They only show up when there’s food on the table. - Playlists
You might not always understand the choices - Plungers
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom. - Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while. - Potato chips
You can never have just one. - Remote Controls
They’re always lost when you need them the most. - Shampoos
They claim to do it all, but you’re not always convinced. - Shoes
You have to try a few before you find the perfect fit. - Snowstorms
You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long they will last. - Treasury bonds
They take forever to mature. - Vacations
They never seem to last long enough. - Weather
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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