This is the first time in history we can save the human race by lying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not screw this up!!!
Wow… bars, clubs and gyms all closed. My life is about to be exactly the same!
Hey creative community! Just a reminder that Shakespeare was quarantined for the plague when he wrote King Lear.
Also highly contagious is kindness, patience, love, enthusiasm, and a positive attitude. Don’t wait to catch it from others…be the carrier!
Remember when we thought we were going to have a bad week because of the time change, full moon, and Friday the 13th. We didn’t have a clue!
Definition of irony: gas under two dollars a gallon and no place to go…
Home schooling going well – two students suspended for fighting, one teacher fired for drinking on the job!
Maybe now society will realize we can make it without celebrities and professional sports… but we can’t make it without farmers and ranchers!
Your grandparents were called to war. You’re being called to sit on your couch. You can do this!
Stay inside, isolate or practice social distancing, clean yourself… OMG, I’ve become a housecat!
If COVID-19 forces Planned Parenthood to be closed for two weeks, the virus will have SAVED more lives than it has taken.
September morning 2050: John opened the last package of toilet paper bought by his parents in 2020.
Since everyone has started washing their hands like we’re supposed to, we’ll be working on tying our shoes next week.
If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.
I’d hate to see a diarrhea virus breakout right now… people have already bought all the nose spray!
The kid I hired to clean up the poop in the back yard just realized I don’t have a dog.
Pro tip: if you get pulled over, just start coughing.
I say we close down the media for 30 days and watch 80% of the world’s problems go away!
Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home and will send us instructions about what to do.
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