- A couple of bricks short of a hod.
- A couple of togas short of an orgy.
- A couple of volts below threshold.
- A day late and a dollar short.
- A few beers short of a six-pack.
- A few birds shy of a flock.
- A few bits shy of a word.
- A few bricks shy of a load.
- A few clowns short of a circus.
- A few clues shy of a solution.
- A few ears short of a bushel.
- A few guppies short of an aquarium.
- A few lanes short of a highway.
- A few lines short of a program.
- A few peas short of a pod
- A few pickles short of a jar.
- A few puppies short of a pet shop.
- A few rungs short of a ladder.
- A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
- A few screws loose.
- A few snowballs short of an avalanche.
- A few spoons short of a full set.
- A few straws shy of a bale.
- A few yards short of the hole.
- A flower short of an arrangement.
- A hamburger / a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
- A handle short of a suitcase.
- A lap behind the field.
- A little light in his loafers.
- A loony tune.
- A pane short of a window.
- A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
- A pickle short of a barrel.
- A quart low.
- A room temperature IQ.
- A screw loose.
- A strawberry short of a quart.
- A teabag short of a pot.
- A victim of retroactive birth control.
- A violin minus the bow.
- A walking argument for birth control.
- A wind-up clock without a key.
- About a half a bubble off plumb.
- About as sharp as a bowl of Jell-O.
- About as smart as bait.
- About fifteen cents short.
- About three cents short of a dollar.
- Ain’t wrapped too tight.
- Air between the ears.
- All booster – no payload.
- All crown – no filling.
- All foam. no beer.
- All hammer, no nail.
- All his eggs in the same basket.
- All his marbles in one bag.
- All lime and salt, no tequila.
- All plow and no tractor.
- All the lights don’t shine in his marquee.
- All the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.
- All wax and no wick.
- Always in the right place, but at the wrong time.
- Always sharpening his sleeping skills.
- An early example of the Peter Principle.
- An ego like a black hole.
- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
- An inch short and a stroke early.
- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
- Answers the door when the phone rings.
- Antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
- Attention span of an overripe grapefruit.
- Attic’s a little dusty.
- Back burners not fully operating.
- Batteries not included.
- Been playing in the pharmacy section again.
- Been playing with his wand too much.
- Been short on oxygen one time too many.
- Blocked one too many hockey pucks.
- Body by Fisher – Brains by Mattel.
- Born a day late and like that ever since.
- Born during low tide in the gene pool.
- Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat!
- Brain on cruise control.
- Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- Broadcasts static.
- Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
- Cackles a lot, but I ain’t seen no eggs yet.
- Calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
- Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
- Can easily be confused with facts.
- Can’t find his ass with two hands and a periscope.
- Car’s only got three wheels, and one’s going flat.
- Cheats when filling out opinion polls.
- Chimney’s clogged.
- Clutch is slipping.
- Couldn’t find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him.
- Couldn’t pick the winner of a one-horse race.
- Couldn’t write dialog for a porno flick.
- Cursor’s flashing but there’s no response.
- Deaf, dumb, and blonde.
- Deck has no face cards.
- Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- Dialing thumb must be broken.
- Dock doesn’t quite reach the water.
- Does aerobics… in his head.
- Doesn’t have all of his groceries in the same bag.
- Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice.
- Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
- Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
- Doesn’t have elastic in both of his socks.
- Doesn’t have his belt through all the loops.
- Doesn’t know which side of the toast the butter is on.
- Downhill skiing in Iowa.
- Driving with two wheels in the sand.
- During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
- Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.
- Eating with only one chopstick.
- Echoes between the ears.
- Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
- Elevator is stuck between floors.
- Engine is running, but no one is behind the wheel.
- Evidence for the theory of a missing link.
- Forgot to pay his brain bill.
- Found his marbles, but is playing jacks with them.
- Four cents short of a nickel.
- Full throttle, dry tank.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
- Gavel doesn’t quite hit the bench.
- Gets her mail at an unknown zip code.
- Gets his orders from another planet.
- Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain’t got no cattle.
- Goalie for the dart team.
- God might still use him for miracle practice.
- God’s favorite target for lightning strikes.
- Got a life, but wasn’t sure what to do with it.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
- Half a brick short of a full load.
- Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse.
- Has a leak in his ceiling.
- Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together.
- Has two brains. One is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- Hasn’t enough sense to pound salt into a rat hole.
- Hasn’t got all his china in the cupboard.
- Hasn’t got enough sense to come in out of the rain.
- Hasn’t got the brains God gave a cat.
- Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited.
- Head whistles in a cross wind.
- Hears everything that a dog can.
- His drill doesn’t have a full set of bits.
- If brains were bird droppings, he’d have a clean cage.
- If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
- If he had another brain cell, it’d be lonely.
- If his IQ were 2 points higher he would be a rock.
- If stupidity were a crime, he’d be #1 on the Most Wanted list.
- If there were a merciful God he’d be dead by now.
- Immune to caffeine and all other stimulants.
- Impervious to brain damage.
- In the shopping mall of the mind, he’s in the toy department.
- Infinite space between her ears.
- Information deprived.
- Inspired the slogan, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
- Intellectually challenged.
- Knitting with only one needle.
- Left the store without all of his groceries.
- Light not burning too bright.
- Light bulb over his head is burned out.
- Lights are on but nobody’s home.
- Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
- Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
- Living proof of evolution.
- Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
- Long on dry wall, short on studs.
- Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
- Loony as a jay bird.
- Lost his trolleys.
- Low on thinking gas.
- Marching to a different kettle of fish.
- Mental agility of a soap dish.
- Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.
- Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
- Mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
- Mind like a sieve.
- Mind like a steel trap — rusty and stuck closed.
- Mind like a steel trap — things wander in and get mangled.
- Mind wandered and never came back.
- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
- Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
- Missing all of the face cards.
- Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
- Moves his lips to pretend he’s reading.
- Music by Mozart, choreography by Beavis & Butthead.
- Needs another brain to make half-wit.
- Needs both hands to wipe his behind.
- Nice house, but nobody home.
- No coins in the old fountain.
- No filter in the coffee maker.
- No grain in the silo.
- No hay in the loft.
- No one at the throttle.
- No wind in her mind’s windmills.
- Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us!
- Not done evolving yet.
- Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.
- Not enough brains to get anywhere near the gutter.
- Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.
- Not firing on all cylinders.
- Not firing on all boosters.
- Not much to show for four billion years of evolution.
- Not only rude, but ugly too.
- Not quite human any longer.
- Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
- Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
- Not the same since they took him off his medication.
- Not the sharpest crayon in the box.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Not too tightly wrapped.
- Not worth pissing on.
- Nothing between the stethoscopes.
- Nutty as a fruitcake.
- Off his rocker.
- Oil doesn’t reach his dipstick
- On permanent leave of absence from his senses.
- On the batting end of a no-hitter.
- One banana short of a fruit-salad.
- One board short of a porch.
- One boot stuck in the sand.
- One brick shy of a load.
- One drop short of an empty bladder.
- One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
- One fruit short of a basket.
- One hot pepper short of an enchilada.
- One live brain cell away from being a talking monkey.
- One sentence short of a paragraph.
- One shingle shy a roof.
- One shingle shy of a roof, and the water’s getting in.
- One ship short of a full fleet.
- One snowflake short of a ski slope.
- One song short of a musical.
- One step short of the attic.
- One tree short of a hammock.
- Only got one oar in the water.
- Only operating at about half a watt.
- Only playing with 51 cards.
- Only playing with the jokers.
- Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
- Out in left field with a catcher’s mitt on.
- Outlet isn’t grounded.
- Over the rainbow.
- Overdue for reincarnation.
- Paddling with one oar.
- Paged-out.
- Paralyzed from the neck up.
- Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
- Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
- People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
- Perfect face for Halloween.
- Permanently out to lunch.
- Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us.
- Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
- Playing hockey with a warped puck.
- Plays solitaire…for cash.
- Porch light is on, but there’s nobody home.
- Proof God has a sense of humor.
- Puzzle is missing a few pieces.
- Quick as a corpse.
- Reading off an empty disk.
- Receiver is off the hook.
- Renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
- Reset line is glitching.
- Result of a first cousin marriage.
- Riding a tipsy canoe.
- Room for rent, unfurnished.
- Room temperature IQ.
- Running on empty.
- Runs squares around the competition.
- Rusty springs in the mousetrap.
- Sailboat fuel for brains.
- Several nuts over fruitcake minimum.
- Several nuts short of a full pouch.
- She can piss standing up, but not much else.
- She only packed half a sandwich.
- Short a few cards.
- Should be the poster child for family planning.
- Should have kept his helmet on while riding.
- Signs on both ears saying ‘Space for Rent.’
- Sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church.
- Six bricks short of a full load.
- Six shy of a dozen.
- Skating on the wrong side of the ice.
- Skylight leaks a little.
- Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.
- Slinky’s kinked.
- Sloppy as a soup sandwich.
- Slow as molasses in January.
- Slow out of the gate.
- Smart as a lawyer is honest.
- Smart as bait.
- Smarter than the average bear.
- Smoke doesn’t make it to the top of his chimney.
- So boring, his dreams have Muzak.
- So dim, his psychic carries a flashlight.
- So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.
- So dumb, he faxes face up.
- So dumb, his dog teaches him tricks.
- So far gone, hard drugs push him closer to normal.
- So slow, he has to speed up to stop.
- So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.
- Soft as silly putty.
- Solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards.
- Some Assembly Required.
- Some bugs in his software.
- Some pages missing.
- Somebody lend her a quarter to buy a clue.
- Someone blew out his pilot light.
- Strong like bull, smart like streetcar.
- Stumped by anything child-proof.
- Subtle as a well-thrown brick.
- Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.
- Swapped out.
- Switch is on, but no one’s receiving.
- Takes her 1.5 hours to watch “60 Minutes”.
- Talks to plants on their own level.
- The carnival has closed.
- The cheese has slid off his cracker.
- The computer’s on but there’s no prompt.
- The going got weird, and he turned pro.
- The space between his ears powers vacuum pumps.
- The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead.
- There’s a leak in his ceiling.
- Thick as a brick.
- Three chickens short of a hen-house.
- Three wheels short of a Honda.
- Too many birds on her antenna.
- Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.
- Too much yardage between the goal posts.
- Took the little bus to school.
- Toys in the attic.
- Traveling without a passport.
- Trying out for the javelin retrieval team.
- Two bits shy of a word.
- Two clowns short of a circus.
- Two saucers short of a tea-service.
- Two sheep short of a sweater.
- Two socks short of a pair.
- Understands English as well as any parrot.
- Useful as a kickstand on a horse.
- Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
- Useful as tits on a bull.
- Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.
- Uses thumbtacks to post notes – on his refrigerator.
- Uses two hands to eat with chopsticks.
- Vacancy on the top floor.
- Welcome light on, but no one home.
- Working with an unformated disk.
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