God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to find the ones I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference between them.
Now that I am older, here’s what I have to share with you:
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
- When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
- I finally got my head together, but now my body is falling apart.
- Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
- All reports are in: life is officially unfair.
- If all is not lost, where is it?
- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
- I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
- It was all so different before everything changed.
- Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
- I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few of them.
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- Its not the pace of life that concerns me, but the sudden stop at the end.
- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when your in the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
- When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
- It’s not hard to meet expenses, I find them everywhere.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.
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