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Insurance Jokes

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“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”

“Nothing,” the girl replied.

“He made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”


An insurance agent went to a museum and he accidentally hit a statue.

Museum administrator: “That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken!”

Insurance agent: “Thank God! I thought it was a new one.”


A happy insurance boss says to his employees, “You worked very hard this year.

“As a reward, I’ll give everyone a check for $5,000.

“If you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks.”


Insurance underwriter’s wife: “You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”

Insurance underwriter: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”

Insurance underwriter’s wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”

Insurance underwriter: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?'”


Question: What’s the difference between an actuary and a Mafia Godfather?

Answer: The actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. The Mafia Godfather can tell you the names of all of them.


“You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent.

“So far today, I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.”

“Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m all of them.”


A retired insurance agent, now in his mid-70’s and about to receive anesthesia, is on the operating table awaiting surgery.

He insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, should perform the operation.

The old man signaled to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.

“Don’t be jittery son, perform your best, and never forget that if it fails, if something should happen to me, your mother will live with you and your wife the rest of her days.”


Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient yelleded, “Three weeks? The doctor can’t see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!”

The receptionist at the other end of the line replied, “If so, would you please have your wife call to cancel the appointment?”


At a dinner party one man, an insurance salesman, was monopolizing the conversation with a lengthy account of recent litigation involving himself.

The other two people the salesman was talking to were lawyers.

“In the end,” the salesman concluded, “you know who got all the money?” He shouted, “The lawyers!”

There was silence at the table until the wife of one lawyer said, “Oh, I do love a story with a happy ending!”

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