Female Truths

  • You cannot be a failure. The worst you can be is a housewife.
  • If you commit a crime, you can blame it on what a man did to you at some time n your life.
  • Why get a driver’s license when you can get a boyfriend?
  • People don’t assume you’re gay if you’re still a virgin past the age of 13.
  • You don’t have to do anything for yourselves if you don’t want to.
  • You don’t have to be able to run as fast or lift as much to be a firefighter.
  • There are programs to help you out in life, merely because you are female.
  • You are more likely to survive if you’re on a sinking ship.
  • Your genitals aren’t an easy target for schoolyard bullies with steel-toed boots.
  • Nothing is ever your fault.
  • Your friends don’t think you’re whipped if you bring your mate to a party/bar with you.
  • Your friends don’t fall down laughing if you tell them you’re in love.
  • Crying in public is a perfectly acceptable method of getting your own way.
  • You never have to say what it is you want, but you can reserve the right to be angry if you don’t get it.
  • "Logic", "reason", and "common sense" are evil constructs of the Patriarchy, and therefore don’t apply to you.
  • You can tell sexist jokes without losing your job.
  • You can look at a man without losing your job.
  • After conception you can still choose whether or not you want to be a parent.
  • For a woman, being a nice person is considered sexually attractive.
  • Commitment doesn’t cost you two months’ salary.
  • Your gender is assumed and not something you have to prove through Herculean feats.
  • An large age difference between you and your mate may be embarrassing, but it isn’t prosecutable.
  • Sex is a tool for getting what you really want, whatever that may be.
  • Only a woman could write this list and get away with it.