Computer Talk For Rednecks

How to translate computer terms so rednecks understand them. Computer literacy for rednecks.

  • LOG ON: Making a wood stove hot
  • LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood
  • MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove
  • DOWNLOAD: Gittin the farwood off the truck
  • MEGA HERTZ: When ya drop the farwood on your foot
  • FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from trying to tote too much farwood
  • RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood
  • HARD DRIVE: Gitting home in the winter time
  • WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it’s cold outside
  • SCREEN: Whut to shut when it’s blak fly season
  • BYTE: Whut dem dang flies do
  • CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
  • MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag
  • MODEM: Whatcha do to the hay fields
  • DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife
  • LAPTOP: Whar the kitty sleeps
  • KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
  • SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes
  • MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
  • MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole
  • MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof
  • PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
  • ENTER: Northerner talk fer, “C’Mon in y’all”
  • CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun
  • DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don’t far when you pull the trigger
  • REBOOT: Whut you have to do right before bedtime when you forgot to use the outhouse.