These are actual (unedited) church blooper announcements taken from church bulletins, signs and announcements:
Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
Do you know what hell is? Come hear our preacher.
Thursday night is Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Smith, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Jeb Smith.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Murphy to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Mrs. Montgomery will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaigns slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!”