Signs of Old Age

Sign of growing old taken with a grain of salt.

elderly hand with caneOld is when….
Your sweetie says lets go upstairs and make love and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both.”

Old is when….
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you are barefoot.

Old is when….
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pace maker opens the garage door.

Old is when….
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

Old is when….
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

Old is when….
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.

Old is when….
Getting a little action means I don’t have to take any fiber today.

Old is when….
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

Old is when….
An all-nighter means not getting up to pee.

Ten Reasons God Created Eve For Adam

eve in garden

  1. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
  2. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don’t want to see what’s on television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on!)
  3. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
  4. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor’s appointment for himself.
  5. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
  6. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men never would be able to handle childbearing.
  7. As “Keeper of the Garden,” Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
  8. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
  9. As the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone!”
  10. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, “I can do better than that”.

Ages of A Woman | Ages of A Man

ages of woman - ages of man

The Ages of A Woman

  • Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
  • Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
  • Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
  • Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
  • After 56 she is like Australia; everybody knows it’s down there but who gives a damn?

The Ages of A Man

  • Between 16 and 26: Tri-weekly
  • Between 27 and 46: Try weekly
  • Over 47: Try weakly