Quick Guide To Hebronics

Unofficial rules for talking Hebronics, first recognized as a valid language in New York City.


The New York City Public Schools have officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed Hebronics, as a second language.

Backers of the movement say the city schools are the first in the nation to recognize Hebronics as a valid language and a significant attribute of American culture.

According to a linguistics professor at Brooklyn College and renowned Hebronics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebronics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.

The Professor explains, “In Hebronics, the response to any question is usually another question with a complaint that is either implied or stated.”

Thus “How are you?” would be answered, “How should I be, with my bad feet?”

He says that Hebronics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism.

An example is the repetition of a word with “sh” or “shm” at the beginning: “Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You should want a nosebleed?”

Another Hebronics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: “It’s beautiful, that dress.”

He says one also sees the Hebronics verb moved to the end of the sentence.

Thus the response to a remark such as “He’s slow as a turtle,” would be: “Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks.”

He provided the following examples of Hebronics:

Question: “What time is it?”
English answer: “Sorry, I don’t know.”
Hebronic answer: “What am I, a clock?”

Remark: “I hope things turn out okay.”
English response: “Thanks.”
Hebronic response: “I should be so lucky!”

Remark: “Hurry up. Dinner’s ready.”
English response: “Be right there.”
Hebronic response: “Alright already, I’m coming. What am I a race car?”

Remark: “I like the tie you gave me. I wear it all the time.”
English response: “Glad you like it.”
Hebronic response: “So what’s the matter; you don’t like the other ties I gave you?”

Remark: “Sarah and I are engaged.”
English response: “Congratulations!”
Hebronic response: “She could stand to lose a few pounds!”

Question: “Would you like to go riding with us?”
English answer: “Just say when!”
Hebronic response: “Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?”

To the guest of honor at a birthday party:
English toast: “Happy birthday!”
Hebronic toast: “A year smarter you should become.”

Remark: “It’s a beautiful day.”
English response: “Sure is.”
Hebronic response: “So the sun is out; what else is new?”

Answering a phone call from a son:
English answer: “It’s been a while since you called.”
Hebronic response: “You didn’t wonder if I’m dead already?”

Funny Confucius Sayings

Banned Confucius sayings in fortune cookies.

Modern Confucius quotes

Confucius say… Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Confucius say… Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Confucius say… Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.

Confucius say… Girl who sits on jockey’s lap get hot tip.

Confucius say… Girl who sits on judge’s lap gets honorable discharge.

Confucius say… He who fishes in others’ holes often catches crabs.

Confucius say… He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Confucius say… He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Confucius say… He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Confucius say… Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Confucius say… Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Confucius say… Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Confucius say… Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Confucius say… Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Confucius say… Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Confucius say… Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.

24 Funny Proverbs By Children

A child’s version of common proverbs.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Don’t change horses until they stop running.

Strike while the bug is close.

It’s always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.

Never underestimate the power of termites.

You can lead a horse to water but how?

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

No news is impossible.

A miss is as good as a Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll stink in the morning.

Love all, trust me.

The pen is mightier than the pigs.

An idle mind is the best way to relax.

Where there’s smoke there’s pollution.

Happy is the bride who gets all the presents.

A penny saved is not much.

Two’s company, three’s the Musketeers.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box.

When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.