One-way Tickets To Alcatraz

How one frustrated dad feels about his unruly children.

Alcatraz Island
Famous Alcatraz Island

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to buy tickets for a visit to Alcatraz.

Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another.

The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window.

“Five tickets, please,” the father said.

“Two round trip, three one way.”

Secrets from parked car in the woods

Tales of car in the woods

Little Billy watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.

Curious, Billy followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Kate in a passionate embrace.

Little Billy found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

“Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Kate.

“I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Kate a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.

“Then Aunt Kate helped Daddy take his pants off, and then Aunt Kate…”

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, “Billy, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.

“I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table, Mommy asked Billy to tell his story.

Billy started his story, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Kate.

“I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Kate a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.

“Then Aunt Kate helped Daddy take his pants off, and then Aunt Kate and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Jim used to do when Daddy was at work.”

Priest, Rabbi and a Ham Sandwich

Priest and Rabbi talk about a ham sandwich.

ham sandwich temptation
Temptations of a ham sandwich

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith to abstain from pork?”

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.

“The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

To which the rabbi replied, “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, “Beats the crap out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”