- Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. - Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. - Law of Cat Magnetism:
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. - Law of Cat Thermodynamics:
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat. - Law of Cat Stretching:
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. - Law of Cat Sleeping:
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. - Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it. - Law of Cat Acceleration:
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. - Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. - Law of Rug Configuration:
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long. - Law of Obedience Resistance:
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something. - First Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, t herefore, use as little energy as possible. - Second Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping. - Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. - Law of Random Comfort Seeking:
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy:
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. - Law of Cat Embarrassment:
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. - Law of Milk Consumption:
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. - Law of Furniture Replacement:
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of t he furniture. - Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible. - Law of Fluid Displacement:
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. - Law of Cat Disinterest:
A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. - Law of Pill Rejection:
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. - Law of Cat Composition:
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter. - Law of Selective Listening:
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away. - Law of Equidistant Separation:
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room. - Law of Cat Invisibility:
Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them. - Law of Space-Time Continuum:
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space. - Law of Concentration of Mass:
A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies. - Law of Cat Probability (Cat’s Uncertainty Principle):
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she “might” be. - Law of Cat Obedience:
As yet undiscovered.
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