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- The trouble with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
- You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
- So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Is it time for your medication or mine?
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.
- First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed.
- My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
- Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU’RE still an idiot.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
- Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils — people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.
- Dyslexics are teople poo.
- People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
- God made us brothers; Prozac made us friends.