Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
William Butler Yeats
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
I’d rather have a bottle of beer in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
I drink beer to make other people interesting.
George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.
Everybody has to believe in something…..I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few beers behind.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
He that drinketh strong beer and goes to bed right mellow, lives as he ought to live and dies a hearty fellow.
Warning: In real life alcoholism can be lethal to both yourself and others! Drink responsibly.