Speeding Female Driver in Mercedes

Trooper Stops Speeding Female Driver

beautiful female driver insults trooper

A Texas State Trooper stopped a speeding Mercedes with a pretty young female driver behind the wheel.

Seeing her, the trooper approached driver’s Mercedes and said, “Howdy mad’m, where y’all from?”

The irritated New Yorker answered him rather abruptly, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The Texas trooper thought quietly for a while about the rude reply and then politely asked the beautiful female driver, “You’re so right about my question. So let me put it this way, where y’all from, bitch?”

She got a Texas speeding ticket.

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Female Driver Is Pulled Over

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Speeding Female Driver

female driver open mouthA female driver was pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

He told her to get out of the car, and noticed she appeared to be putting something in her mouth as she stepped out of her vehicle.

Figuring that the driver was putting away some type of illegal substance, the patrolman asked her, “Did I just see you swallow something just now?”

She replied, “Yep, that was my birth control pill.”

“A birth control pill?” asked the trooper.

The female driver explained to him, “Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was going to get screwed.”

In a way she was totally right.

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Funny Kid’s Quotes

kid's quote about tooth fairy

Stories with funny kids quotes

POLICE OFFICER IN SCHOOL

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old.

Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?”

“Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.

“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.

“Well then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”

POLICE DOG

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.

“It sure is,” I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.

Finally he said, “What did the dog do?”

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to house-bound elderly people, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

She was always intrigued by the various gizmos older people always relied on, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered to me, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

PARENTS DRESS-UP FOR A PARTY

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.

When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”

“And why not?”

“You know that it always gives you a headache next morning.”

FUNERAL FOR A ROBIN

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather… and unto the Sonnn… and into the hole he gooooes.”

FIRST WEEK IN SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.

“I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother.

“I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

THE BIBLE AND THE LEAF

A little boy opened the big family bible.

He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

He picked up the object and looked at it.

What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Mama, look what I found”, the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?”

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

Contribute your kid’s quote.

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