There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market.
The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel.
To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel — he said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”
Slowly, Johny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I have got $20!”
A rabbi had a terrible car wreck and was rushed to a local Catholic hospital.
After the doctors patched him up, he recuperated in the orthopedic ward for several weeks.
As he recovered from his injuries he became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there.
One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing.
She asked him in a good natured manner, “Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?”
“Oh, sister,” chuckled the rabbi, “I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”
A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly twenty pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skipping.”