Women’s Terms Explained

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

Nothing
This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”

Go Ahead (With Raised Eyebrows!)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”

Go Ahead (Normal Eyebrows)
This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”

Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow.”

Go Ahead!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”

Thanks
A woman is thanking you. Do not ! faint. Just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot
This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing”

Other sources for women’s terms

“This is a study of the derogatory terms (“dirty” words) that women use to refer to men.”
JStor repository

“Woman’s Dictionary”
LotsOfJokes

“Men’s/Women’s Dictionary”
wiki4

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Colonoscopy Exams

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopy exams:

  • “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”
  • “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
  • “Can you hear me NOW?”
  • “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
  • “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
  • “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
  • “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
  • “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey….”
  • “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
  • “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must aquit!”
  • “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
  • “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
  • “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?”

What is a colonscopy exam?

“Colonoscopy is a test that allows your doctor to look at the inner lining of your large intestine (rectum and colon). He or she uses a thin, flexible tube called a colonoscope to look at the colon. A colonoscopy helps find ulcers, colon polyps, tumors, and areas of inflammation or bleeding”
WebMD

What is a colonscope?

“The colonoscope has a small camera attached to a flexible tube that can reach the length of the colon.”
New York Times

How does a patient prepare for colonscopy exam?

“You will need to completely cleanse your intestines.”
New York Times

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