Husband Discovers Panting Wife Naked On Bed
A husband comes home early from work early one day, and finds his wife naked panting on his bed.
“Honey,” she said thinking quickly, “I think I’m having a heart attack!”
He immediately calls his family doctor from his cell phone, but he notices his young son crying in the hallway.
He asks his son the reason he’s so upset.
The son told his dad there was stranger in the closet, who had no clothes on.
The husband ran to the closet, opened the door, and his best friend, Charlie, was standing there stark naked.
“Oh man Charlie,” he shouted to him, “my wife is naked on the bed and having a heart attack on the bed and you’re just standing here scaring the kids!”
For more info on cheating wives see:
Cheating wife – facts and advice
Cheating wife wiki
Signs of a cheating wife
Idiot Question List
These are questions that idiots actually asked Park Rangers around the country as originally published by “Outside Magazine.”
Grand Canyon National Park
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom – where is it?
Is the mule train air conditioned?
So where are the faces of the presidents?
Everglades National Park
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o’clock bus leave?
Denali National Park (Alaska)
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
Mesa Verde National Park
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas? Was it their own made-up religion?
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?
Carlsbad Caverns National Park
How much of the cave is underground?
So what’s in the unexplored part of the cave?
Does it ever rain in here?
How many ping-pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this – just a hole in the ground?
Yosemite National Park
Where are the cages for the animals?
What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Obama?
Yellowstone National Park
Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
How do you turn it on?
When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?
Him Verses Her At Work
Workplace discrimination by gender is taken for granted.
The following is a list of examples which illustrate the phenomenon.
- THE FAMILY PICTURE IS ON HIS DESK:
- He must be a solid, responsible family man.
- THE FAMILY PICTURE IS ON HER DESK:
- She probably puts her family before her career.
- HIS DESK IS CLUTTERED:
- He’s obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
- HER DESK IS CLUTTERED:
- She’s obviously a disorganized scatterbrain.
- HE IS TALKING WITH HIS CO-WORKERS:
- He must be discussing the latest deal.
- SHE IS TALKING WITH HER CO-WORKERS:
- She must be gossiping.
- HE’S NOT IN THE OFFICE:
- He’s meeting a customer.
- SHE’S NOT IN THE OFFICE:
- She must be out shopping.
- HE’S HAVING LUNCH WITH THE BOSS:
- He’s on his way up.
- SHE’S HAVING LUNCH WITH THE BOSS:
- They must be having an affair.
- THE BOSS CRITICIZED HIM:
- He’ll improve his performance.
- THE BOSS CRITICIZED HER:
- She’ll be very upset.
- HE GOT AN UNFAIR DEAL:
- Did he get angry?
- SHE GOT AN UNFAIR DEAL:
- Did she cry?
- HE’S GETTING MARRIED:
- He’ll get more settled.
- SHE’S GETTING MARRIED:
- She’ll get pregnant and leave.
- HE’S HAVING A BABY:
- He’ll need a raise.
- SHE’S HAVING A BABY:
- She’ll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
- HE’S GOING ON A BUSINESS TRIP:
- It’s good for his career.
- SHE’S GOING ON A BUSINESS TRIP:
- What does her husband say?
- HE’S LEAVING FOR A BETTER JOB:
- He knows how to recognize a good opportunity.
- SHE’S LEAVING FOR A BETTER JOB:
- Women are not dependable.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind that I will live forever.
God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to find the ones I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference between them.
Now that I am older, here’s what I have to share with you:
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
- When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
- I finally got my head together, but now my body is falling apart.
- Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
- All reports are in: life is officially unfair.
- If all is not lost, where is it?
- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
- I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
- It was all so different before everything changed.
- Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
- I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few of them.
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- Its not the pace of life that concerns me, but the sudden stop at the end.
- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when your in the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
- When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
- It’s not hard to meet expenses, I find them everywhere.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.
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