A Man, A Boy and Their Donkey

donkey fable

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.”

They then decided they both would walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.

So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story is:

“If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye!”


Insurance Jokes

insurance jokes

“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”

“Nothing,” the girl replied.

“He made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

An insurance agent went to a museum and he accidentally hit a statue.

Museum administrator: “That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken!”

Insurance agent: “Thank God! I thought it was a new one.”

A happy insurance boss says to his employees, “You worked very hard this year.

“As a reward, I’ll give everyone a check for $5,000.

“If you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks.”

Insurance underwriter’s wife: “You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”

Insurance underwriter: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”

Insurance underwriter’s wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”

Insurance underwriter: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?'”

Question: What’s the difference between an actuary and a Mafia Godfather?

Answer: The actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. The Mafia Godfather can tell you the names of all of them.

“You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent.

“So far today, I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.”

“Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m all of them.”

A retired insurance agent, now in his mid-70’s and about to receive anesthesia, is on the operating table awaiting surgery.

He insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, should perform the operation.

The old man signaled to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.

“Don’t be jittery son, perform your best, and never forget that if it fails, if something should happen to me, your mother will live with you and your wife the rest of her days.”

Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient yelleded, “Three weeks? The doctor can’t see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!”

The receptionist at the other end of the line replied, “If so, would you please have your wife call to cancel the appointment?”

At a dinner party one man, an insurance salesman, was monopolizing the conversation with a lengthy account of recent litigation involving himself.

The other two people the salesman was talking to were lawyers.

“In the end,” the salesman concluded, “you know who got all the money?” He shouted, “The lawyers!”

There was silence at the table until the wife of one lawyer said, “Oh, I do love a story with a happy ending!”


How Are You Feeling?

farmer in courtFarmer Bob decided the injuries he sustained in a recent traffic collision were serious enough to sue the trucking company whose driver had been responsible for the accident.

During the trial, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer grilled the farmer in court.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident that you were fine?” asked the lawyer.

“Well I’ll tell you what happened,” the farmer answered.

“I had just loaded my favorite mule Sally into the …”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted tersely.

“Just answer the question. Did you or did you not say that you were fine?”

“Well, I had just got Sally into the trailer and I was driving down the road …”

By this time, the lawyer was red-faced.

“Judge,” the lawyer said, “I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told he highway patrolman that he was just fine.

Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client.

I believe he is a fraud, so please instruct this witness to simply answer the question.”

“No,” the judge said. “I’m fairly interested in what he has to say about about his favorite mule Sally.”

“Thank you, judge,” so the farmer in court proceeded with his version of the story.

“Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Sally into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.”

“I was thrown into one ditch and Sally was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move.

But I could hear old Sally moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans,” the farmer continued.

“Shortly after the accident, the patrolman got there. He could hear Sally moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

“After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

“Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”

“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'”