Avoid A Speeding Ticket

No speeding ticket for Fred

A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.

traffic cop with speeding ticket bookSince he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it.

“Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”

The man replies, “It’s a long story so stay with me.

I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name.

The kids used to tease me all the time.

So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD.

So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD DDS with VD.

The ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS: now I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving my name as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my ‘dingaling’ so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer walked away in tears, laughing so hard and tore up the Warning Ticket.

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Polish Engineers

Polish engineers try to change the perception that Poles are considered dumb.

A group of the Polish engineers got together and approached some Americans, Germans, and Japanese to ask them for help about this misconception of Polish intelligence.

Polish engineers build bridge in desertAn American scientist replied, “You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology, while the German’s resourcefulness is world-renown. We Americans are respected since we helped win two World Wars. You need to accomplish a feat that will stand out and make the Polish people world-famous for their intelligence.”

A German intellectual added,” Yes, he’s right. Why don’t you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, then build it. When it is completed come back to us, and we will help publicize it.”

With that, the Polish engineers set on their way to build their bridge to fame.

They designed and worked on it six months, until the construction was totally done.

Then they reported their marvelous feat to the group.

The bridge was a beautiful piece of engineering mastery, but it had one flaw: the Polish engineers erected it in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

An American said, “No, that will never do and people will only say that is why you have your reputation of being dumb. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Dismantle it and find a more strategic spot for it.”

The Polish engineers returned to the conference two weeks later.

One of the Japanese said, “Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to take apart the bridge and build a new one? That is amazing!”

To which a Polish engineer replied, “Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn’t move it because there were Italians fishing off it.”

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Name These Animal Groups

 

animal group

Collection of quirky animal group names

When animals gather together they usually are not simply labeled as a group, but usually have distinctive names for the bunch.

Here is list of seemingly unusual names, which evolved over the years, for animals when are together in a social setting.

  • shrewdness of apes
  • cloud of bats
  • grist of bees
  • flock of birds
  • flutter of butterflies
  • train of camels
  • army of caterpillars
  • clowder of cats
  • quiver of cobras
  • peep of chickens
  • flock of chickens
  • intrusion of cockroaches
  • herd of cows
  • murder of crows
  • pod of dolphins
  • exaltation of doves
  • seething of eels
  • charm of finches
  • school of fish
  • flamboyance of flamingos
  • business of flies
  • gaggle of geese
  • implausibility of gnus
  • tribe of goats
  • bloat of hippopotami
  • cackle of hyenas
  • mess of iguanas
  • swarm of insects
  • smack of jellyfish
  • mob of kangaroos
  • troop of lemursdeceit of lapwings
  • exaltation of larks
  • troop of lemurs
  • flock of lice
  • pride of lions
  • mob of meerkats
  • troop of monkeys
  • parliament of owls
  • pandemonium of parrots
  • rhumba of rattlesnakes
  • murder of ravens
  • unkindness of ravens
  • crash of rhinoceroses
  • murder of rooks
  • parliament of rooks
  • squabble of seagulls
  • shiver of sharks
  • troop of shrimp
  • audience of squid
  • murmuration of starlings
  • fever of stingrays
  • knot of toads
  • gang of turkeys
  • volt of vultures
  • descent of woodpeckers
  • clew of worms
  • zeal of zebras

Last, but not least, guess what a group of baboons is commonly referred to?

Hint: they are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all the primates.

If you said a congress, you were right!

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